Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in shrike_angel's LiveJournal:

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Monday, November 5th, 2007
10:13 am	Bored often, lonely often, but feeling pretty good in all those other ways. (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 16th, 2007
12:31 pm	Working at sears in sales for the time being, today is my second training day. Still in a pretty good mood. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
8:39 am	Interview with Safeway today, giving the rare WOOT. Been trying to get a decent job for a while and it just might be working. Things are looking up for the moment. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 6th, 2007
4:56 pm	So basic truths. My life hasn't been fun. I wanted it to be. To work days and see people at normal hours. To develop my personal skills to the point where I wasn't talking shit about people to feel big. These things are works in progress. I haven't had the money to feel safe and that the world wouldn't be coming down on me soon. These things are also being worked on. Every time I go to stand I notice how unstable it all is. Some days I get pissed and want to lash out, but I stop myself. Some days old loves burn through my mind and I want to call them, to touch them, to feel like I have a place in someones heart and mind, some days it doesn't matter who it is. But I have been restrained, I have been focused no matter how little of that is seen by the people who knew me. My strength is coming back, and maybe I will be better than I once was. No more roommates, no more lies behind my back, not even any more broken trust. Done with broken trust, when you feel like you can trust someone it is best to know in your heart they are up to something, when they tell you something is innocent, know it is a lie. Wolves in sheep's clothing. It might be getting bitter in my head, but at least I won't be blindsided by things again. jobs suck, they are no matter what unstable, holding on to the thread of life by a monthly check and the strained might break, nothing is sacred or protected. Faith in others is over rated. My strength is my own, my life was and is built and de pendant on my actions, for better or worse. My weight issues make me less than happy, but I know I can over come all of this bullshit and maybe I should show a bit more of my will, because some of you from back in the day still can't see that I might be complaining and venting so that I can clear my mind when I need to, to focus myself on what I did wrong to rise above it. I want a nine to five job, where my mind matters more than physical presence, I want to surround myself with people i can count on to be there te way I am for my friends, I want a woman I can have faith in and who has faith in me when I feel burned out. I want a future better than my past. I want to be able to tell people where I work and what I enjoy doing on my time off. This is not my past, this is merely a phase when my strength waned, when I felt pain and suffering, this is where I learned life lessons. such as never assume someone who has been loyal is loyal forever, or that people will accept your weaknesses because you don't vocalize your disdain when they are weak. So many people in my past where weak. The ones with the same jobs they didn't get on merit but rather by knowing someone, the ones who ran from life, who hid from friends be it with silence when things were not right, or by talking behind their backs. That is my past, filled with shame and contempt. I can't think of one person involved in the last five years who can be proud of their actions, we have all been sullied by them. From the lies and betrayals, to the complacency. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 3rd, 2007
5:28 pm	Bored and looking for a new job or two. toss me a line if you are up to doing things, life has been the pits lately. Getting better by will alone i hope. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 25th, 2007
7:46 pm	Life I look about and notice I have no one to talk with about issues of note. Not one person near me is privvy to my thoughts, which is a serious problem. How could i have let my social skills rot to this point. I have gone all emo and depressed without anyone to complain to or with. This kind of bites. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 21st, 2007
9:04 pm	Life, and my interaction with it. To be honest can anyone who knows me vouch for any moment I didn't make the worst choice. My life decisions are often impulsive and for the negative. I want stability, but ruin it. Two years ago I wouldn't have admited most of this. I stayed in a situation that dragged me down financially. I reacted with aggression when I shouldn't have. Injured myself several times for no rational reason, but rather in a fit of lashing out. Was not emotionally stable enough to mantain relationships with other people during rough patches. This is my rant, or something like it. I wish there was a way to repair the relationships I have ruined, to have the friends I drove off and some day even be able to speak with the woman I in an emotional and verbal form abused. I was as addicted to falling in love as any other fool. I wanted to be loved with the passion and fire of a fresh love without even being able to deal with a health and maturing relationship. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
12:02 pm	You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism. </td> Buddhism 79% Satanism 79% Islam 71% Hinduism 67% agnosticism 67% Paganism 54% Judaism 38% atheism 29% Christianity 25% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com Interesting results I suppose Buddist or Satantist, I wonder how counter to each other they are. (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
2:04 pm	I never update. Maybe it is the constant knowledge that I have pushed so many people away. Have I ever really left someone better than before they had contact with me? No really friends these days, it has been getting to me for months. No one to talk with who doesn't have something at stake connecting with their answers. This is the point where I can see that I created a situation where in no one tells me what they think honestly. Current Mood: crappy Current Music: Capital G- Nine Inch Nails (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
5:23 am	No major earth shaking changes, I still have some weight I want to loose. I miss talking with people. Contact has been rare lately. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 26th, 2006
10:22 pm	so yeah. New job, new places of r living for a few months now. back in school shit like i am a person and crap. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 28th, 2006
4:20 am	Why do I even try waking up in the morning, to fill some senseless place in an uncaring world. Not matter what I do I seem to reap as much pain from the soil as I could ever give in several lifetimes. What makes anything worht this? Some ideal that someone will ever care about me the way I care about them? We are our own worst critics so how can I ever tell if my love isn't toxic? No one will ever be honest with me so I think I am slowly lossing my mind....I don't know what to do anymore I just don't know anything these days. (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
4:06 pm	Musings on the biosphere and interconnections So I am sure the few people who read this most likely understand at least the concept behind the biosphere; that every living thing connects to different living things to form webs of cause and effect. Did you ever think about how little impact a single human can have on that very web in but a scant amount of time. In the end I have as much impact as a bowl of larva or maggots inside a garbage can. Nothing great has come from me, maybe nothing ever will. I try and be social and play nice in a world that seems to have past me by a long time ago, before my birth sometimes I think. I think less people then the one's who read this damnable attempt at expression would actually notice if I left the biosphere, if I was ever truely a part of such a thing. I perform the exact same function as every other living thing, yet why do I see everything as being hollow as of late, I cannot evn keep those around me happy, which might be one of the few functions I crave/enjoy from day to day. In a breath I can see the outcome of me no longer caring about the things around me, and I have never liked that side of me...no matter what false bravado I place upon my face, no matter the masks I have worn to hide the nature of my purity. In the end I fear the part of me that is most honest, tghe part that has never decieved me. It sickens me that I cannot find a reason to be nice to anyone thatr does not directly aide in keeping me happy, yes I love someone else, yes I cherish them and try to keep bad things from befalling them, even if it means allowing my own nature to be put to the side, but beyond that are there any ripples in my daily movements, would there be if I stopped moving? I fear that I make no waves and have no impact....how very subhuman of me to actually admit to not being capable of great things these days. They always say anyone can do anything if you try hard enough, but what happens when nothing gives you that drive and it all seems so stale? They don't tell you how to deal with that, just fucking pills...and they never did shit for me back then. In less then a day a simple idea can break down all the defenses the average human musters to claim any sense of value..if it is that simple for and average human, what about those of us who only matter to maybe three other people on the planet? What do people like me have to face when we wake up to that bitter truth that we have no face and make no waves? The american ideal of individual value..what does that help me with these days when I am just a system of numbers affecting abstract and meanngless numbers in turn? Such is the modern fate of things that no matter how you look at it we are just statistics passing through rows of digits and trying to profess our own value and there is nothing listening to our words, they ring hollow and fade quickly. Current Mood: apathetic (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
12:40 am	Work is the same as always, boring and some how going faster. I am still being a naruto fan boy, manga is going great, but ages of filler huddle for warmth in the anime...i mean a fucking massive amount. And please someone tell me about some new freaking music mine is going stale i think. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
12:33 am	Well as people clearly have shown said tiny bit of interest here is an update. Certain people have been removed from my life, it seems mostly by their choice at this point. I am currently trying to lose some of those love handle pounds(they are icky to me). I am enjoying life with my perfect so Eva. Work sucks like always. I am going to be enrolling in college again be it online or not i am sick of not using my brain. In general complacency sucks and i have been it's bitch for too long so i am going to indulge my defiant persona again and let all the people predicting my continued sucky life fuck off. (Comment on this)
Monday, March 27th, 2006
1:45 pm	So i know i barely update and doubt anyone reads this shit anymore. Things are really good right now. post comments if you still read this so i might keep posting once more with any semblance of regularity. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 16th, 2006
10:08 am	What Is Your Battle Cry? Rampaging along the mini-mall parking lot, brandishing a thorned whip, cometh Shrike_angel! And he gives a mighty bellow: "I'm going to smack you harder than God thought possible!!!" Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ? created by beatings : powered by monkeys (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 15th, 2006
6:09 pm	Oh Great Cthulhu! I have been an extremely diligent devotee this year. In October, I defiled the grave of that traitor, Lovecraft (90 points). In February, I rescued bonelotus from being sacrificed (-200 points). In December, I sacrificed alzelreth to Cthulhu (500 points). In July, I stopped lunamothsmagic from defiling Lovecraft's grave (-20 points). Last week, I legally changed my name to Randolph Carter (-40 points). When the stars were right, I rammed a ship into you (sorry Cthulhu!) (-1000 points). In short, I have been very bad (-670 points) and deserve to have my body used as a host for one of your servitors. Your humble and obedient servant, shrike_angel Submit your own plea to Cthulhu! Name some friends or leave them blank and let me look them up myself: (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
1:52 pm	Well I got a new computer, it needs better memory, but is otherwise good. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
8:18 pm	(Comment on this)